Blooberry Poo Part I

Fannie:  Blueberries are on sale at Publix, 2/$5.

Crusty:  I know.  We bought some last night.

Fannie:  They make my poop greenish purple and tarry.

Crusty:  That is TMI, Fannie.

Fannie:  I know.  Sorry.  But it's true. I think I ate too many.

Crusty:  How many did you eat?

Fannie:  A pint.

Crusty:  In one sitting? 

Fannie:  Ngh. I'm really constipated.

Crusty:  Ew.

Play Balls!

Fannie:  So you know how Judge Sand likes to hit on younger attorneys and take them on trips?  He just asked me to go to New Zealand with him.  I've always wanted to go there.

Crusty:  Uh, yeah, isn't he 81?  And wouldn't you have to be his sex slave?  Or at least his testicle sex slave.  You'd have to suck his wrinkly, 81 year old balls.  I bet they're filled with dust, Fannie.  I bet they're all dusty and chalky and malleable and droopy.  Like a pitcher's rosin bag.

Fannie:  Okay, okay, fine!  I won't go!  *shudder*  Ew.

Tis the Season for Giving...Pubes

Crusty:  Geez, how is it possible that Heifer leaves so many pubes on the bathroom floor?

Fannie: We could put them to use.  Do you think Locks of Love accepts pubic hair?

Crusty:  Ew.

Urinal Cake

Fannie:  The bathroom on this side smells like piss.

Crusty:  Janitor needs to change out the urinal cake.

Fannie:  Maggie said she'd suck on the urinal cake for $5,000.

Crusty:  Ew.  It's been drenched in Barb piss for God knows how many months now.

Fannie:  I bet Maggie would do it for $1,000.

Crusty:  Ew!  I bet you're right.

Tea Party

Fannie:  Gross, Judge Sand just hit on me.

Crusty:  He always did like younger women.  But you're not THAT much younger than he.

Fannie:  He's 81 years old!!!

Crusty:  ...and?

Fannie:  I hate you.

Crusty:  But can you imagine his saggy ballsac swinging as he walks, teabagging his feet?  You could be the lucky woman who gets to suck his saggy teabags.

Fannie:  Ew.

Yard Stick

Crusty:   Arngh.  I just pooped a three footer.  That's an entire yard of poop, Fannie.  Or a meter for you Metric folk.

Fannie:  Ew. 

The Shower

Fannie:  I can't use the shower at work anymore.

Crusty:  Why not?

Fannie:   Heifer has started walking at lunchtime, so she's been using the shower.  It's just disgusting.

Crusty:   Pubey?

Fannie:   Come here.  [takes Crusty by hand and takes her to shower stall]

Crusty:  EW!!  Holy shit! 

Fannie:  I KNOW!  I think that's toe jam up against the wall, next to all the pubes.

Crusty:  There are footprints in the mildew.

Fannie:  Those aren't my footprints, and that mildew is pink.

Crusty:  Ew. 

Fannie:  I'd rather be sweaty and stinky and yuck all afternoon than shower in THAT, where Heifer washes her sweaty bush and walks around in bare, sock jammy feet.

Crusty:  Ew. I don't blame you.