STAFF (infection)

I.C. = Ice Cunt, General Counsel  (She is passive aggressive, condescending bitch who has a fake shrill laugh, especially when she is around the corporate officers.  Her skin and hair are dust-colored!)

Heifer = Heather, secretary (She is mean.  Her husband fucked her best friend or vice versa, so now she is one bitter, shelf-assed Scientologist who sucks Ice Cunt's ass for snausages.)

Barbara = male supervisor, Assistant General Counsel  (He used to be a Corrections Officer, but he talks about law and order like he's a cop.  He is hanging on until he retires in just two long years.)

Polly = our sweet, fluffy, wonderful paralegal (We make her cover her ears when we are being disgusting.  She just can't handle it uncensored.)

Maggie = Assistant General Counsel (She's a dual personality -- There's Pink Maggie and then there's Maggie Darko.  Pink Maggie dresses for every holiday in sweaters adorned with sequins and jingle bells.  Maggie Darko is jaded by everything, has disturbing fantasies of IC's untimely demise, and boasts an extensive collection of taxidermied owls and vultures. Most people are afraid to enter her office.)

Judge Sand = loveable, lecherous, semi-retired, 81-year old judge who is notorious for dating women in their 30s.  He is a world traveler, had gray hair, and saggy balls (we're guessing here). 

Janitor = Needs to get to work and mop up Heifer's pubes!!!

Crusty = Assistant General Counsel (I'm the newbie!  Fannie is my mentor.)

Fannie = Assistant General Counsel (I am 40 and jaded.  Crusty is my cosmic little sister.)

The Dark Things of the Legal Department = They suck out our souls as we work.