Thursday, August 4, 2011

Separation Anxiety

Crusty:  Eeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! I'm leaving for the Hamptons tomorrow!! This is my first real vacation since we've worked here!

Fannie:  I'm going to miss you!  When are you getting back?

Crusty:  Thursday.  I'll miss you too!

Fannie:  I'm experiencing separation anxiety.  I'm going to go pee on something.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Pooberry Lysol

Crusty:  The bathroom smells like pooberry.

Fannie:  What?

Crusty:  I went in there and it smelled like berry fresh lysol, and then OMG i walked into a wall of shit smell. 

Fannie:  Oh, sorry.  That was me.

Crusty:  Thanks for the courtesy spray, but it's like when a smoker tries to hide the smoke smell with too much cologne.

Fannie:  The smell really does linger in your nostrils and then it sort of seeps into your mouth.

Crusty:  Pooberry aftertaste.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Battered Assholes

Fannie:  How is it that my asshole just easily passed a log with the girth of a baseball bat, yet it rejects even a hint of anal sex?  My boyfriend isn't that big.



Fannie:  Ew.

Crusty:  I win.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011


Crusty:  Dude, I'm struuuuugggglin'.  I can't stay awake this afternoon!

Fannie:  Here, eat these.  I have more chocolate covered espresso beans than I can handle.

Crusty:  Nooooooooo!  I'm going over to New Boy's house after work!  Let's forget for a second that espresso beans look like little turd pellets...I still don't want to have espresso piss when I get to his house!  Plus, they'll make my breath smell like a rat carcass dipped in week-old coffee grounds.

Fannie:  Ew.