Leaky Faucet

Crusty:  So nice of you to join us, Fannie.

Fannie:  Sorry I'm late.  Something, uh, came up at home.

Crusty:  You sacrificed punctuality for morning sex, didn't you?

Fannie:  Yeah, I had to run home and change.  I'm leaking jizz.

Crusty:  EW.  Get a plumber!

White Out is the Cat's Meow

Crusty:  So what did you do last night?

Fannie:  Nothing special.  Just brought home some work.  My cat Radar barfed on one of my files.

...silence...

Fannie:  Meh.  I'll just white it out.

Crusty:  Ew.

Mopped Up

Fannie:  So Janitor finally mopped our bathroom, but he didn't fucking sweep first!

Crusty:  Ew, I think I know the answer to this, but ... how can you tell?

Fannie:  Judge for yourself.

Crusty:  It almost looks like it's spelling "help me."

Fannie:  Even the pubic hairs are grossed out by the bathroom floor.

Crusty:  Ew.

Fannie:  Yeah, ew.

Wednesday 05 January: Pungent Pee

Fannie:  I'm surprised you didn't know this!

Crusty:  It's not really the type of thing that you just ask your waiter.

Fannie:  That's true.  Now that you mention it, I'm not sure where I learned this, aside from personal observation.  Someone told me that it has to do with a particular enzyme that not everyone has.

Crusty:  So not everyone's asparagus pee is stinky?

Fannie:  I guess not.

Crusty:  That's weird.

Fannie:  Sometimes I can smell it when I drink too much coffee or eat tuna fish salad.

Crusty:  FANNIE!  EW!  TMI!

Fannie:  Does that happen to your pee?

Crusty:  I've never noticed it with tuna, but I have had Starbucks smelling pee before.

Fannie:  Gross.  Me too.

Arby's

Crusty:  Let's just drive thru somewhere and pick up some fast food.
Fannie:  I rarely eat fast food.  It's so gross.  Especially Arby's.  YUCK.
Crusty:  Why don't you like Arby's?

Fannie:  Ex-Hubby2 used to compare Arby's roast beef sandwiches to vaginas.  You know, because the roast beef looks like fleshy folds.
Crusty:  Ew.

 
Fannie:  So the roast beef with cheese is extra yuck.  Like cheesy, oozy vagina folds. 
Crusty:  EW!

Monday 03 January: Crop Dusting

Crusty:  Thanks for the "What's Your Poo Telling You?" calendar.

Fannie:  You're welcome!  I had a hard time choosing between all the different calendars, but this one seemed appropriate given the gastrointestinal issues of our coworkers.  I was going to get you the vocabulary word-a-day calendar.  I also considered giving you a Go Green conservation hints-a-day calendar.

Crusty:  No, this was a good choice.  It's more educational than the other two.

Fannie:  Around here, it's not so much what YOUR poo is telling you; it's more about what Heifer's unflushed poo remnants are telling us.

Crusty:   Ew.  Remnants.

Fannie:  Yeah, ew.