Craigslist

Fannie:  *YAWN*  I am sooooooo sleepy.  I had insomnia last night and was trolling the Craigslist personal ads for kicks.

Crusty:  WERE YOU LOOKING FOR A DATE?!?!

Fannie:  NO!  Jesus!  I just like to read the ads sometimes because they're funny.  People are freaks!

Crusty:  Just tell me you wouldn't go out with anyone you met on Craigslist and end up in a freezer like that bird you found on the golf course.

Fannie:  I wouldn't/won't date anyone off of Craiglist.  But I just wanted to tell you about this one guy's ad.  His username is "SoloMcLovin48" and he wants to find a squirter.

Crusty:  Nice.

How to Beat the Bloat

Crusty:  All morning I felt bloated and fat and I couldn't figure out why.

Fannie:  ...

Crusty:  So I just took a field trip to the 5th floor bathroom and pooped a garden hose.

Fannie:  ...

Crusty:  And now I'm thin again.  As I turned to flush, a woman walked in, literally gasped for air, and walked right back out.

Fannie:  Eeeewwwwww.

Crusty:   There ya go.