Crusty: Arngh. I just pooped a three footer. That's an entire yard of poop, Fannie. Or a meter for you Metric folk.
Fannie: Ew.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
The Shower
Fannie: I can't use the shower at work anymore.
Crusty: Why not?
Fannie: Heifer has started walking at lunchtime, so she's been using the shower. It's just disgusting.
Crusty: Pubey?
Fannie: Come here. [takes Crusty by hand and takes her to shower stall]
Crusty: EW!! Holy shit!
Fannie: I KNOW! I think that's toe jam up against the wall, next to all the pubes.
Crusty: There are footprints in the mildew.
Fannie: Those aren't my footprints, and that mildew is pink.
Crusty: Ew.
Fannie: I'd rather be sweaty and stinky and yuck all afternoon than shower in THAT, where Heifer washes her sweaty bush and walks around in bare, sock jammy feet.
Crusty: Ew. I don't blame you.
Crusty: Why not?
Fannie: Heifer has started walking at lunchtime, so she's been using the shower. It's just disgusting.
Crusty: Pubey?
Fannie: Come here. [takes Crusty by hand and takes her to shower stall]
Crusty: EW!! Holy shit!
Fannie: I KNOW! I think that's toe jam up against the wall, next to all the pubes.
Crusty: There are footprints in the mildew.
Fannie: Those aren't my footprints, and that mildew is pink.
Crusty: Ew.
Fannie: I'd rather be sweaty and stinky and yuck all afternoon than shower in THAT, where Heifer washes her sweaty bush and walks around in bare, sock jammy feet.
Crusty: Ew. I don't blame you.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Craigslist
Fannie: *YAWN* I am sooooooo sleepy. I had insomnia last night and was trolling the Craigslist personal ads for kicks.
Crusty: WERE YOU LOOKING FOR A DATE?!?!
Fannie: NO! Jesus! I just like to read the ads sometimes because they're funny. People are freaks!
Crusty: Just tell me you wouldn't go out with anyone you met on Craigslist and end up in a freezer like that bird you found on the golf course.
Fannie: I wouldn't/won't date anyone off of Craiglist. But I just wanted to tell you about this one guy's ad. His username is "SoloMcLovin48" and he wants to find a squirter.
Crusty: Nice.
Crusty: WERE YOU LOOKING FOR A DATE?!?!
Fannie: NO! Jesus! I just like to read the ads sometimes because they're funny. People are freaks!
Crusty: Just tell me you wouldn't go out with anyone you met on Craigslist and end up in a freezer like that bird you found on the golf course.
Fannie: I wouldn't/won't date anyone off of Craiglist. But I just wanted to tell you about this one guy's ad. His username is "SoloMcLovin48" and he wants to find a squirter.
Crusty: Nice.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
How to Beat the Bloat
Crusty: All morning I felt bloated and fat and I couldn't figure out why.
Fannie: ...
Crusty: So I just took a field trip to the 5th floor bathroom and pooped a garden hose.
Fannie: ...
Crusty: And now I'm thin again. As I turned to flush, a woman walked in, literally gasped for air, and walked right back out.
Fannie: Eeeewwwwww.
Crusty: There ya go.
Fannie: ...
Crusty: So I just took a field trip to the 5th floor bathroom and pooped a garden hose.
Fannie: ...
Crusty: And now I'm thin again. As I turned to flush, a woman walked in, literally gasped for air, and walked right back out.
Fannie: Eeeewwwwww.
Crusty: There ya go.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Wild, Wild West
(yesterday)...
Crusty: Ew, our bathroom is getting too gross to use.
Fannie: Yeah, we need to get Janitor up in here to sweep up.
...(today)...
Fannie: Janitor finally came through for us. I wonder how big the tumbleweed of Heifer's pubes was.
Crusty: Ew.
Crusty: Ew, our bathroom is getting too gross to use.
Fannie: Yeah, we need to get Janitor up in here to sweep up.
...(today)...
Fannie: Janitor finally came through for us. I wonder how big the tumbleweed of Heifer's pubes was.
Crusty: Ew.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
What a Waste
(text message conversation)
Crusty: As I sit here blowing up the handicapped stall of the 5th floor bathroom, I can't help but think that the sign on the bloody tampon receptacle is appropriate.
Fannie: I can't help but think that the fact that you're sitting in the handicapped stall is appropriate. What does the sign say?
Crusty:
Fannie: EW!
Crusty: As I sit here blowing up the handicapped stall of the 5th floor bathroom, I can't help but think that the sign on the bloody tampon receptacle is appropriate.
Fannie: I can't help but think that the fact that you're sitting in the handicapped stall is appropriate. What does the sign say?
Crusty:
Fannie: EW!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Bathroom Signage
Fannie: Ugh! Heifer blew up the bathroom on this side of the office again. Ima leave her a typed note that says "Double flush, please."
Crusty: Or you could leave this:
Fannie: Do you think I should put it up on the stall wall so that she'll see it as she's sitting down? Like at seated eye level.
Crusty: Well, if you use the hippo sign, you should post it on the back wall, because that's where the Splatter Zone is.
Fannie: By then it's too late though, because she might not see it until after she's already exploded her ass all over the place.
Crusty: Ew. I'm going to use the public bathrooms on the 1st Floor.
Crusty: Or you could leave this:
Crusty: Well, if you use the hippo sign, you should post it on the back wall, because that's where the Splatter Zone is.
Fannie: By then it's too late though, because she might not see it until after she's already exploded her ass all over the place.
Crusty: Ew. I'm going to use the public bathrooms on the 1st Floor.
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